Profiles in Blood, Honor and Tears...
Admiral Saigo Takamori of Nippon Prime.
I was one of the last babies born in Japan before the Cataclysm.
I can barely remember anything but the vastness of space and the cramped confines of space ships.
I can barely remember ever seeing blue sky overhead.
Was it ever real?
Was the sky ever really blue?
For me Earth is but a dream, a distant memory that does not even seem real in my mind.
But last night was different.
Last night I dreamed that I was in a lush green forest full of orange osmanthus, we call them in Japanese kinmokusei.
I could smell the scent in my nose, like that of dying rosebuds, the softness of the petals on my cheeks.
My eyes felt itchy with irritation from the spring pollen that filled the air.
I seemed to cough, my nose itching.
I felt myself running to my aunt, who in those days was more of a mother to me than my own.
I went to grab her hand, but she was distracted from something in the far distance, something I could not understand.
I wanted her to play with me, to pick me up and twirl me in her arms and kiss me.
I longed to be held and embraced in her arms.
"Obasan!" I heard myself say, as if it were someone else.
"Come and play with me!"
She seemed frozen, like a servoandroid, staring into the distance, unmoving.
I tugged at her hand, but she remained still.
I heard a roar, a flash of light, like the sound of a thousand aeroburns, like the shine of a thousand suns.
I could not understand.
Why is the sky so bright although it is evening?
Why is my Oba so afraid?
Suddenly I awoke with a shock, not knowing where I was.
My bed was empty, and I was alone.
Suddenly I remembered.
This is the New Tokyo Island 2, one of the Closed O'neill Space Island Cylinders in orbit near Titan.
I must have my memoaugment implant looked at, I thought.
Why is it only members of the Space Navy are required to have them?
Sometimes I just want to forget... but with this implant... "che"!
Why always in my dreams do I remember the distant past, but never in my waking thoughts?
These dreams... they seem too real.
And the nightmares are even worse.
I went to my window and looked out. It was still dark.
My eyes followed the long full panel window as it transitioned to a skylight.
Above me the ground curved up to the houses on the other side of the Space Island.
Their lights were dark, and all was quiet.
"Jikan?", I said to my bed terminal.
"Universal Standard Time 0325 hours", it replied, almost sounding like a natural human voice.
"The nuclear powered sunlamps would not begin to brighten for at least another 2 hours", I thought.
I called for the helpbot under my desk.
"Atsukan ittpon o ne gai shi ma su!".
The helpbot responded in the affirmative and went instantly to fulfil my request.
As it poured the glass of warm saki I watched it contemplatively.
The stream of liquid spiraled down through the air as it fell into my glass, an effect of spin gravity I could never get used to.
"No way I'll get back to bed now", I thought.
What a cruel trick to remember, so much better to forget.
The pain of regret... it only gets stronger with time.
My Oba died years ago, without even a grave or a headstone to show where she fell.
A shame I cannot bring incense to her grave.
And that forrest now surely ashes, exists only in my memories...