Presenting
BAHRAM School of Tactical Philosophy and Strategic Engineering. Plenty of other folks handle just the what and how of warfare, Only we specialise in the why?(we also handle the latter two).
BAHRAM Is a Mars based consulting group and think-tank.
Below is a transcript of one such accommodation with a group of mercenary engineers hired on Luna planning for a hostile takeover of a resource asteroid:
Martian: Let me have your attention for a moment! So you're talking about what? You're talking about...(puts out his Martian spice inhaler)...bitching about that engine you exploded, some son of a bitch satellite that doesn't want to launch, somebody won't suffer terminal impact, some broad you're trying to screw and so forth. Let's talk about something important. Are they all here?
PTMC rep: All but one.
Martian: Well, I'm going anyway. Let's talk about something important! (to engineer 1) Put that nutrient paste down!! nutrient paste's for the victorious only. (engineer 1 scoffs) Do you think I'm fucking with you? I am not fucking with you. I'm here from Mars. I'm here from BAHRAM. And I'm here on a mission of mercy. Your name's
REDACTED?
engineer 1: Yeah.
Martian: You call yourself a brain for hire, you son of a bitch?
engineer 2: I don't have to listen to this shit.
Martian: You certainly don't pal. 'Cause the good news is -- you're fired. The bad news is you've got, all you got, just one week to plan your attack, starting tonight. Starting with tonight's attack. Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. 'Cause we're adding a little something to this take-over winning. As you all know, first prize is rock X5-W118/Eldorado. Anyone want to see second prize? Second prize's a de-toothed enemy corp fleet. Third prize is you're dead. You get the picture? You're laughing now? You got designs and ships. Post-Terran-Mining-Conglomerate paid good money. Get their weaknesses to destroy them! You can't destroy the defences you're given, you can't destroy shit, you ARE shit, hit the bricks pal and beat it 'cause you are going out!!!
engineer 1: The lasers are weak!
Martian: 'The lasers are weak.' Fucking lasers are weak? You're weak. I've been in this business fifteen years.
engineer 2: What's your name?
Martian: FUCK YOU, that's my name!! You know why, Mister? 'Cause you took the moon bus to get here tonight, I command a twenty million credit laser boat. That's my name!! (to engineer 1) And your name is "you're wanting." And you can't play in a man's game. You can't destroy them. (at a near whisper) And you go home and tell your synth-wife your troubles. (to everyone again) Because only one thing counts in this life! Get them to evaporate in the sense which is molecular! You hear me, you fucking faggots?
(Martian flips over a blackboard which has two sets of letters on it: ABL, and ORAD.)
Martian: A-B-L. A-always, B-be, L-lasing! Always be Lasing! Always be Lasing!! O-R-A-D. Observe, do i see you?, React, they are weak in their belt armour . Attack, Have you made the lethal amount of heat to their hab quarters! Destroy! are they destroyed? I know they are because it's fuck or walk. You destroy or you hit the solar wind as space dust! O-R-A-D; get out there!! You got the prospects comin' in; you think they hired you to get out of the rain? Guy doesn't nano spy the rock unless he wants to hold it. Sitting out there waiting to give you their money! Are you vaporising for it? Are you man enough to vaporise for it? (to engineer 2) What's the problem pal? You.
engineer 2: You're such a hero, you're so victorious. Why you coming down here and waste your time on a bunch of bums?
(Martian sits and takes off his Martian obsidian watch)
Martian: You see this watch? You see this watch?
engineer 2: Yeah.
Martian: That watch used to be the sand under an mega-corp tank. I won nine engagements last year. How much have you won? You see, pal, that's who I am. And you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good engineer? Fuck you -- go home and design sewage pumps!! (to everyone) You wanna science for hard credits here? destroy!! (to engineer 3) You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can't take this -- how can you take megawatts of light in a tin can?! You don't like it -- leave. I can go out there tonight with the ships you got, de-claw that whole damn rock! Tonight! In two hours! Can you? Can you? Go and do likewise! O-R-A-D!! Get mad! You sons of bitches! Get mad!! You know what it takes to kill astronauts?
(He pulls something out of his briefcase)
Martian: It takes big YAG balls to kill astronauts.
(He's holding two model black spheres with inset blue apertures, over the appropriate "area"--he puts them away after a pause)
Martian: Go and do likewise, gents. The enemy's out there, you Lase em up, it's yours. You don't--I have no sympathy for you. You wanna go out on those raids tonight and lase, laser em, it's yours. If not you're going to be dusting my enivro suit as space carbon. Bunch of ai constructs sitting around in a server. (in a mocking weak voice) "Oh yeah, I used to be a human brain for hire, it's a tough racket." (he takes out large data drive) These are the new designs and prospecting. These are the X5-W118 prospects. And to you, they're carbon lattice. And you don't get them. Why? Because to give them to you is just throwing them away. (he hands the stack to PTMC rep) They're for destroyers.
I'd wish you good luck but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it. (to engineer 2 as he puts on his watch again) And to answer your question, pal: why am I here? I came here because Post-Terran-Mining-Conglomerate asked me to, they asked me for a favour. I said, the real favour, follow my advice and evaporate your fucking ass because some people are as good as carbon space dust is carbon space dust.
(He stares at engineer 2 for a sec, and then picking up his briefcase, goes into inner office with PTMC rep)
